Somebody Shoot Me

Those of you who know me, know that I really despise the hipster fucks that snootily ride their fixies while looking down their deliberately unwashed pimply noses at anyone who dares to ride a bicycle with derailleurs and (*gasp!*) brakes. When I see some tight jeans-clad dipshit slide into cross traffic because he's too cool for anything so gauche as brakes, I secretly wish that the dumbass gets smeared. And what's with the damned spoke cards anyway? Are you really that desperate for attention?

Now, before any fixie riders get their panties in a bunch (and I can see you're wearing panties under those painted-on jeans), it's the elitist snobs that really frost my liver. I once walked into a cafe after busting out 125 miles on my loaded touring bike. The woman behind the counter asked me what I rode, and turned up her nose when I told her a touring bike. "Oh, I only ride fixie. Without brakes." Right. Then there are the buttheads that try to blast past me, only to be unable to keep up their pace 50 feet later and now I have pass your punk-ass that is attempting to labor up the 2% grade. But it's funny how a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch. I guess that is how perception works. I'd say that 99.99% fixie riders are cool folk, and they probably even still bleed red and have a kitty or pooch at home waiting for them.

Well, never one to let my street cred falter (ha!), I have joined the ranks of the fixie-riding pseudo-elite. Oh, I am kicking it poseur-style, for sure. I bought a Kona Paddy Wagon. With brakes (poseur alert!). No elite conversion kit for me. No overpriced, hand-crafted frameset. Just a basic steel frame.

It handles nimbly, has a decent component set, durable tires, fits full fenders, has clearance for a transverse saddle bag (in my frame size), and is fun to ride.


It's not as revolutionary as everyone says. But then again, my spin is pretty good to begin with, and my stroke is quite round. It is impressive how well it climbs up mild grades because the inertia of the bicycle carries the pedals over TDC/BDC. When it comes to the serious hills on my commute, some churning and major spinning are required. But overall, I am quite happy with the experience. The simplicity of it all is quite pleasant. There's nothing quite like being able to abuse the drivetrain on the bicycle and know that it is still going to be there for you.

Is it for everyone? I'd say no. I can feel the stress in my knees, but as long as I spin and don't skid stop,my messed-up knees should be okay. I am rather surprised how much of a non-issue my 36 mile commute is on the fixie, even toting all my work gear up 2800 feet of ascent and down another 2800 feet. It is most certainly worth a try, though.